It’s a favorite bar pick-up line: “Why are you still single?” But with a little more emphasis on the “you.” The rhetorical and flattering nature of the question might just cause you to sheepishly smile and politely decline (or maybe accept) a drink offer, but have you ever actually thought to yourself, “Hey, why am I still single?” Sometimes it’s just not the right time, sometimes it’s not the right place. And sometimes it has a little something do with the person you came in with.
Your Wonderful Ex
Exes are the worst — especially when they were the best. Having a wonderful ex who you still occasionally call and hook up with when you’re sad can be a major hindrance to moving on. Getting over a former flame is tough, and it can be especially difficult when neither of you are willing to let go. Easier said than done, but work on distancing yourself as much as possible, and maybe even try to get into the singles dating scene again if you’re of you think you’re ready. Surround yourself with girlfriends and stay busy by applying yourself at school or work, signing up for an exercise class or volunteering in your community.
Your Terrible Ex
Remember that one guy who would hack into your email all the time and accuse you of cheating, only for you to find out that actually he was the unfaithful one? Surprise! That trauma doesn’t just disappear. It’s okay to have your guard up, but be willing to let new guys at least get a foot in the door. Just remember: The crazy ones don’t always give off signs until much later. Watch your social media pages, and react quickly if this guy shares private information about you on social media.
“Your social media pages shouldn’t have the keywords to cracking open your identity. Stay safe while being social: http://t.co/0qt4GRP6YB”
— Twitter for LifeLock (@LifeLock) June 20, 2013
Rom-Com Stars
“Why can’t we just be like Bella and Edward?!” If you’ve ever found yourself thinking this — or heaven forbid, saying it out loud — snap yourself out of your dream world right now. Don’t expect every fight to be resolved with him holding a boombox on top of his head outside of your window. The truth is that we’re flawed human beings, and not every relationship is meant to be. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t still worth the experience or that either of you necessarily did something wrong. According to the CDC, 36 percent of marriages end in divorce, so it is crucial to make sure that long-term monogamy is something you’re interested in.
Your Dad
Psychologist Carl Jung called it the “Electra complex,” which basically says that all daughters are doomed to be daddy’s girls. If your dad treated you like a princess growing up, your guy is going to have big shoes to fill. Being pampered is fun, and we could all use a little TLC from time to time, but remember that this is a partnership. Once you’re in a relationship, you want to be treated like your boyfriend’s equal, so start acting like it. Go dutch with the check, be assertive about your beliefs and opinions and read some more feminist literature.
Your Boss
Focusing on your career and being successful at work is definitely a good outlet for your independence, but it isn’t exactly accommodating for a new relationship. Relationships take time and effort, which your boss might not be happy about sacrificing when he’s paying you for your time and effort too. Talk to your boss about opportunities to work from home or more vacation time to work on yourself. It might be a great job, but if it’s holding you back from living your life outside of it, it might be time to start sending out your résumé again.
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